Dog Training….Unraveled

Things I say to my dogs that I hope I never have to say to my child

Kids being kids though, I certainly wouldn’t be surprised if I have to utter these words in her direction.

1) Please don’t eat the snails.
2) Good girl for pooping outside!
3) Stop scrounging under the birdcage.
4) Did you piss on the couch again?
5) Stop nose raping the cat! (For Teak, and her incessant need to try to get milk from the cats, the altered, non milk producing cats)
6) Don’t lick the sidewalk.
7) Hey, don’t lick the carpet.
8) Why, why are you eating the snails?
9) Puke on the tile please, not the carpet.
10) Dammit, spit that snail out!!

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