My faithful reader, my best, and often only, commenter. Thank you thank you thank you!!
You have no idea how helpful it is to know I am not the only one who rather shocked and somewhat disturbed by the “wonders of pregnancy.” You’re so right, it doesn’t matter what you think you know about baby making, it seems that Mother Nature enjoys sucker punching us anyway. I read books, I watched that stupid, insipid baby show on E!, I hung out with my friends who have managed to successfully bring children into the world, and I thought perhaps I had an idea - but no, turns out I was clueless about the myriad of ways your own body can torture you. Who knew that “feeling your baby move” could be translated into “getting sucker punched in the bladder so hard you wet yourself” - and people wonder why I’m cranky.
I went to a prenatal yoga class this week, and attempted to bend my jello-fabulous self into a variety of pretzel poses. At the start of class we had to introduce ourselves, say how far along we are, and what our favorite thing about being pregnant is. Ha! Heeheehee -favorite thing! They all said crap like “feeling my baby move” “it’s like my little secret” and “knowing that I’m not alone.” Forgive me honey, but I can see your belly from here, I’m pretty sure it ain’t a secret no more! Me, me? What did I say? “I’m pretty sure my favorite part of pregnancy will be when it is over.” I don’t think they like me much. So much for making new friends there.
Perhaps they are doing something different, perhaps they all really do spend the day rubbing their belly and dreaming mommy dreams. Me, I’m excited for the day I can hand my precious bundle off to her daddy, suck down a glass of Diet Pepsi without guilt, and skip away giggling maniacally to myself about the “joys of motherhood.”
Posted on June 13th, 2008 by michelle
Filed under: Pregnancy, The Naked Part
Well Missy Michelle,
I know many people who did not have great pregnancies. I know several women who had morning sickness, afternoon sickness and evening sickness. They were puking all the live long day. They ached, they were tired, they were poopy in the brain. They probably had a tona brain farts (sorry, I can’t get off the bodily function thing, I keep laughing at my monstrous abilty…bwahahaha), They were mad at their husbands (as if they had no control…COME ON Ladies, we know who owns in the bedroom!). for MAKING them that way.
When your sick, days pass sooooo slowly and for them, nine months probably seemed like an eternity. I myself only puked once. I had to have milk and drank almost a half gallon in one delicious gulp. Ahhh, tasted soooooooo good. The mozzerella ball that came back up was a complete shock! Lovely, huh?
So, you didn’t make any friends in Yoga….you verblized a totally politically incorrect fact. So, boo-hoo to them! Wait until they start breast feeding their nipples are sore and cracked (hey, it goes away, and there is a definate advantage to the parasitic action…I can’t even explain the bonding…it’s indescribable) and hard. Then, the first time in the shower, all alone doing the whole Herbal Essence thing, they’ll look down and see that they are making a shower of their own but, with two shower heads. Hey, it happens. Whater ya gonna do? Not a darn thing cause that’s just the way it is. Acceptance is 98.9 percent of the solution.
OK, maybe not.
I read your blog because, even though I only get to see you about once a year, I have known you since you were basically “little”. I have always admired your direct nature and that you have a love for animals. You write very well, by the way.
OK, so I care.
On that note, I bid you adieu. I have to go dry my eyes from the onslaught of tears that are ruining my ability to type. Yeah, I just read you most recent blog. Thinking about you!
Take it easy babe-ster!
Kayleen (in Indian that means “she who feels too much”)
p.s. I’m drinking all the diet Pepsi. You’ll have to have the real stuff.