Modern Dog Blog

So this morning I finally finished walking everyone, cleaning the bird cages and cat boxes, feeding the beasts, and all the other general care that gets done every morning and I sit down to eat my breakfast. Kid you not, before I even get the first bite in my mouth, Karma starts sputtering and chop licking and heaving – oh crap, she’s gonna blow – so I try to hustle her off the couch and into the kitchen. Which prompts a Karma breakdown because if you raise your voice the slightest bit she starts slinking around in panicked circles, certain that death is near. I manage to talk nicely enough that I get her to the kitchen, and realize that I’ve left my breakfast unattended and that Teak will be in it any second. I screech at her to “LEAVE IT or I’ll kill you!” and the screeching starts Karma spinning again. Except now she’s puking, and spinning and slinking in puke. Awesome!! I tell Karma to lie down, run and grab my food, put it on the kitchen counter out of death dog’s reach, and start cleaning up Karma’s breakfast. No joke, as I look down at Dyson lying in front of the coffee table, he wags his tail and pee squirts out. Oh for criminy sakes, pets, stop spewing – all of you!! Mental note, clean carpet when done with the kitchen.

I go back to the kitchen and dear lord, she’s still barfing – I’m pretty sure this dog is going to die right now. Today. Here. And I’ll have to call my husband and explain that his beloved dog barfed herself to death. She finally stops after emptying everything in her gut, and I make her lay there while I clean it up and scrub the kitchen floor. She’s still chattering her teeth, so I’m making her stay on the tile. I call her into the bathroom, cause now she’s covered in puke and needs a bath, and about 14 milliseconds later realize that Teak is mostly likely fucking up. I start yelling for her and Jester to get in here where I can see you, Karma has another breakdown because I’m yelling and Teak runs in heaving cause she’s been gorging on something. Tell poor Karma to “stay put” in the tub, and go out and see what Teak has been into. Oh no, not on the counter with breakfast this time, no, no, she’s been eating Karma’s breakfast out of the puke bag!!! AAGH!!! Tie that up, put it out of reach, go back to washing the collie with the pug in tow.

Finally, finally get the collie de-pukified, put her on a down stay in the kitchen cause she’s still making weird noises, and discover the other pug is eating paper that the bird dropped. PAPER. I explain to him that paper is not food, has never been food, and has no nutritional value – he says, this was my shining chance to eat paper while you weren’t looking lady, I’m not about to pass up this golden opportunity.

Oh ya, right, clean up the piss off the floor too. I think, perhaps, we are done with the circus explosion – anyone else?

While this is (thank dawg) NOT a normal morning, it does happen all too often. I’m kind of used to it. And people think I’ll be scared by a newborn – all I can say is “Bring it.”

Posted on July 8th, 2008 by michelle
Filed under: My dogs, Random run ins