My dear Petunia is going to lose her eye. On Wednesday afternoon, she came to me and her left eye was swollen and puffy. It had been fine that morning. I called Suzi, and we decided to give Petunia some benadryl, put a warm compress on it, and watch it. Perhaps it was a bee sting, since we have them in the yard. The swelling went down some, so I didn’t worry too much. Her eyes are often weepy and goopy, and I generally just put her eye drops in that they gave me last time I took her in. I put them in once to see if it would help. The next morning, it didn’t look much better, still swollen and weepy, so I called the vet, and they set her up for an appointment Thursday afternoon. I told them about the eye drops and they said not to use them, because if it was an ulcer, it would make it worse. Great job. Just great. Perhaps I’ll poke her with a fork while I’m at it.
They didn’t have time to see me, so they took Petunia in the back to examine her. When they brought her back up they told me it was indeed an ulcer, gave me some eye ointment, and said to watch her, and if all went well, bring her back in Monday for a recheck. Now, keep in mind, she’s had her eye mostly closed, so I don’t really know how it looked on Thursday, just that it was swollen, red, and weepy.
Friday she tried to follow me outside and when she came out into the sun she flinched, tried again, flinched again, and headed back in. Her eye was obviously painful. So, I took a look and there was quite a bit of white filmy, gunky stuff in the middle of her eyeball. Called the vet again, told them about the light sensitivity and they said to keep her in, keep giving her meds, and bring her in Monday. I’m sure by now they think I’m a loon.
By this morning, Saturday, her eye was significantly worse. There is a huge crater in the middle of her eyeball, and it is filled with white icky looking stuff. It looks like it is attacking itself. I guess this is what ulcers do. Jester has had them, but tiny ones that have healed with treatment. This, this is not healing. I called the vet again, and they said to bring her in today. So my husband, bless him, took her in as I had tickets to go see Sesame Street Live with Quinn and her cousin.
Petunia’s eye has to be removed. There is no way it can be saved at this point, and it is causing her quite a bit of pain. She is scheduled for surgery Monday. I’m glad she got to go in today, because they gave her nice drugs for the pain and she’s now high as a kite and passed out on my lap.
My heart aches for my little dog. I feel so terrible that I may have made it worse with the eye drops, when I was trying to help. Stupid. Stupid. I know not to mess around with eyes, I know how quickly they can go wrong. I’d like to think that it didn’t really make that much of a difference, one drop, really? At the rate her eye is deteriorating with the proper medication, I just don’t think her body has quite enough healing power for this eye. I really don’t even know what happened to it. But since Pugs can scratch their eyes on just about anything, and she falls down so much, who knows what may have scraped it. The “what if” game never helped, I’m not sure why I’m playing it now.
The fact that this dog continues to exist happily despite her many health problems is astounding to me. The vets said that Petunia seems fine, isn’t sick, and should survive surgery just fine. I worry though. She can’t breathe on a good day with her narrow trachea. And she’s mostly deaf, and now will have to learn to work with just one eye. She didn’t see well to begin with. She falls down enough with her back problems, now she can bump into things, too! Poor little dog.
With this new development, we have decided that Petunia will become a Forever Foster. She will remain a ward of Pug Rescue, but she will not be available for adoption and will instead live out her days here with us. Not that potential adopters were lining up for her. Because you know, so many people really dream of adopting a dog that can’t walk well, falls down a lot, stops breathing frequently, is deaf, and mostly just putters about looking for comfy spots to lay down. I don’t feel that it would be fair to make her adjust to a new environment with this added disability. She needs to stay here, with people she trusts and loves, where she knows where things are.
I considered euthanizing her. I didn’t want to put her through the stress and trauma of surgery and recovery. I want only what is best for her. Suzi and the doctors assure me she is strong enough for surgery. Still, I worry. If I know Petunia, she will take on this challenge the way she takes on life, with not much grace, but a whole lot of courage and an amazing amount of heart. This dog, she falls down, and she just gets back up. No fuss, no muss, she just keeps on going. There is a lesson for me here.
Petunia has been full of lessons for me. What unconditional love really is. That even with the cards stacked against you, you can still be happy and enjoy sitting in the sun. That you really can’t always choose who you love. I love this dog. Quinn loves this dog. She is part of the family here, and while my heart is heaving a sigh of relief that I won’t be moving her, that she’ll stay here with us, at the same time I am terrified of Monday’s surgery. So please, think positive thoughts for my brave little dog. Say a prayer, make a wish, sprinkle fairy dust – whatever it is you do, do it for her. I think that Petunia has more lessons to teach me.
Please consider donating a few dollars on Petunia’s behalf to Pug Rescue of San Diego. They take paypal, and put in the notes that it’s for her.
Posted on April 24th, 2010 by michelle
Filed under: Random run ins
Amazing lessons in this story. Michelle you are such an ambassador for the dog world.
Thank you for writing in such a meaningful way
That’s exactly it: unconditional love. Given and received.
My Grandpa Perfect Golden Retriever just had a big problem with his eye.
One of his best friends is the darn cat.
They play together, chase each other and generally irritate the crap out of each other.
I think the cat inadvertently scratched his eye.
The vet put dye in his eye and there was a chunk out of his cornea.
So he’s on oral anti-biotics, eye drops and pain pills.
His eye is crusted shut every morning and it’s really bothering him.
And of course the vet had to point out his age and some beginning cataracts.
“If I know Petunia, she will take on this challenge the way she takes on life, with not much grace, but a whole lot of courage and an amazing amount of heart. This dog, she falls down, and she just gets back up. No fuss, no muss, she just keeps on going. There is a lesson for me here.”
Love love this.
My doggies have taught me more than any college/book, and have helped me more than any therapist.
I’m buying Pom Pom’s for Petunia.
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