Modern Dog Blog

So a couple of months ago I met a lovely lady who of course oohed and aahhed over my baby. This, in itself is not unusual. Lots of people gawk at the child – you’ve seen pictures, that’s why. What made this different was this nice lady is a photographer, and offered to come take wonderful pictures of my wonderful child for a ridiculously cheap price. Being a Mom, one who is a PICTURE JUNKIE, of course I wanted to take advantage of this. So I scrimped and saved my little pennies, sold some stuff on Craigslist (yay, Craigslist!!) and scheduled a time for our little photo shoot.

Lovely lady came over today, at a bright and shiny 9 am(!), and we played baby games all morning. Of course, 9 am would normally be nap time, we scheduled this so we could get some shots of the Q sleeping. There was no sleeping. Because there was *a camera* and *people*, so instead, little Miss Q mugged, and grinned and made with the cute. She’s good at that. We got some absolutely adorable shots, talented photographer and adorable subject. But the fun doesn’t stop there.

We decided to take some pics with the dogs, so I got the pugs out and put them on the blanket with the baby. They amped around and acted like idiots for a few minutes, but settled down and posed quite nicely. Feeling pretty pleased with myself – cute kid, dogs being moderately sane; I decided to let Dyson out to say hello after I put the pugs back. Poor sad dogs had been in their room all morning since we were playing on the floor with sensitive camera equipment, and you know, a baby that could get trompled. Dyson, in particular, has a mental breakdown when he has to be away from me, so it seemed like he could come out and lay down in a corner somewhere. Right? Sure…..

So, goofball comes out, parades around with his toy like a fool, and I tell him to lay on his bed. Poor, unsuspecting, nice, lovely lady photographer kneels down and asks if she can say hi. Sure, knock yourself out. Dyson gets up and walks over to her, STARTS PISSING AS HE’S WALKING, and manages to completely soak this woman’s clothes. Dear heavens, floor, please swallow me up. My dog just pissed all over the photographer. Kill me now.

Luckily, she thought it was hysterical, got a great story out of it, and I happened to have a brand new pair of jeans that fit her so I washed her pants while we finished the photo shoot. I will be utterly amazed if that woman ever works anywhere near a dog again. Let’s all just say a little prayer of thanks, to whomever you pray to, that Dyson did not piss on her camera – cause I’m pretty sure you can’t throw those in the wash.

Posted on March 6th, 2009 by michelle
Filed under: My dogs, Random run ins | No Comments »

Ok, so I’ve had dogs in my bed for the last 20 years or so. Some weird things have happened. Occasionally my bed gets puked on, there is always a lot of hair in it, occasionally someone leaves a chew bone or two under the covers, and you kind of learn not to smell any suspicious wet spots. Just wash the covers, don’t wonder, cause you don’t want to know.

Lucky for me, I have been blessed with many dogs who, ahem, lose some bladder control occasionally. While sleeping. On my bed. Yes, lovely.

Redwood started having accidents when she was about 3, just every now and again, she’d fall into a really deep sleep and “forget” to get up and go pee outside. Now lest you misunderstand, Redwood was beautifully housebroken and would be offended if someone else pottied in the house, let alone ever be caught doing it herself. It only happened when she was really in a deep sleep, and usually there was also something stressful going on in her daytime life (new puppy or what have you), and she was always very upset to wake up and discover she’d wet the bed. I was always upset too. Nothing like stretching out in your warm, cozy cocoon and getting a soggy foot for your trouble.

So, I learned to wrap my mattress in trash bags and strip my bed sheets at an early age. Having her with me at night was worth the occasional midnight load of laundry.

Since Redwood, Rowan too started having accidents in her sleep, at an older age, around six, but same general story. Luckily Rowan didn’t sleep on the bed. Her choice, not mine. So, her dog beds were eventually wrapped in plastic too.

Both of those lovely ladies have left me, and I thought perhaps our bedwetting days were over. No. I currently have a Leaky Labrador, a Betsy Wetsy Border Collie, and a Piddling Pug. Dyson will fall asleep after playing and sometimes his bladder just gets so full from all the water he drank that it will just leak a bit. This always wakes him up, and he will frantically start licking himself clean and get to the nearest door. He doesn’t mean to do it, but he’s a big dog, and when he leaks, well, he’s tall too so you can imagine the mess. Karma, dear heavens, that dog. Same thing, falls asleep, usually on my couch, and just pisses herself. But she doesn’t wake up, or even seem to notice that she’s done it. Now, neither of these dogs would ever dream of going potty in the house on purpose, so I try not to get too upset, although, washing the same comforter three days in a row does get a bit old. We combat this by taking them out regularly, and about every hour or so if they’ve played hard and had a lot to drink.

Up until very recently, my two little pugs were the only dogs I had that DIDN’T wet themselves in their sleep. Now Jester will surely piss on that stupid little round table I have if he’s got an opinion to share, but he doesn’t pee himself in his sleep. (He had a run of stealth pissing for about a year after Dyson moved in, but he got over that and has quit, thankfully.) Teak will once in a great while, pee right in front of me if she just gets too full and I don’t catch her very, very subtle cues that she needs to go out. Since her cues that she needs to potty include breathing, and, um, breathing, they are sometimes hard to notice. She’ll crap in the house, no sweat, doesn’t have that one down yet, but unless it’s an emergency, she doesn’t pee inside. No, I have not figured out how her twisted little head works, give me five more years, I’ll get back to you.

Ok, so back to my story. Sleeping with dogs. Bad things happen in your bed sometimes. And not the types of bad things you want to happen in your bed. I ran the dogs yesterday. It was hot, they drank a lot. I took them out multiple times before bed. You can see where this is going, right? Yes, yes, my little Teak has joined the ranks of bed pissers. I don’t know what gift I have that these animals can’t hold their bladders, but it is too weird to have had five dogs with the same problem. So she had an accident. So she slept through it. It wouldn’t have been that bed except lately? Lately she’s been sleeping on my pillow…….

Posted on January 14th, 2009 by michelle
Filed under: My dogs, The Naked Part | No Comments »

Every now and again I still get calls for dog training. Mostly everyone knows I’ve retired, but since I’ve had the same phone number for 6 years or so, there are still a few cards floating around out there. I got one this morning, from a guy with a new puppy. I called him back and referred him on to a friend of mine who is building her business.

And it struck me, I don’t miss it. I don’t miss it at all. 20 years of my life spent constantly hustling, and I really don’t miss it. I will say, most of my good friends used to be clients, and even my husband was someone I met through a client. So over all, dog training has been good, but 20 years? It’s enough. I don’t miss the endless potty training questions, the general unwillingness to follow directions, the constant pressure of being “on.” I’ll admit, my brain has rotted in the last few months, but my heart just isn’t in it for training any more.

I still love working my own dogs, but that is more about the relationship than the actual training. I still love dogs, I just am really, truly enjoying not being the one held responsible for all their shortcomings.

The funny thing is, everyone is a dog trainer these days. “Left my lucrative career as a lawyer/dentist/fill in the blank here, to follow my passion and work with animals!” I giggle inside. You moron, you don’t work with animals that much, it’s all about people. There is as much, if not more, human psychology involved than there is animal behavior. I spoke to a friend in Texas today and she said the same thing, everyone is a dog trainer now. It’s like the new, cool profession to have. Man, I’ve been a dog trainer since the days when people would look at you like you were and idiot and go “Dog trainer? You get paid for that?” Times change.

I guess I’m a little sad. Dog training was such a huge part of my identity. It’s all I ever really wanted to do. Now I’m just sort of floating along, not really sure what’s next. I’m taking care of my baby, which, I suppose is a pretty important job, but it’s different. I’ve been trying to think lately of what I should “do”, like for money, to contribute, and absolutely nothing sparks my interest. I used to get fired up about training dogs. Teaching classes, private lessons, organizing all the little pieces of it. Now, not so much. What else will I do with myself? Good question. If you come up with any suggestions, be sure to let me know. For now, I’ll worry about getting Q the best start possible, and maybe I’ll clean my house or something when she learns to nap. Hunh…..

Posted on January 2nd, 2009 by michelle
Filed under: The Naked Part, Training | 2 Comments »

At my house, Santa came in October – and look what he brought!
Ok, just kidding, not really from Santa. But is sounds cute anyway, huh? We had a tree this year, Josh’s first, ever; and the first one I’ve had in years and years. We’re calling it our “Winter tree” and named him Abercrombie. I don’t know why. Except that the tree needed a name, and I decided that we’d give him an “A” name, and go down the alphabet over the years. Hey, it’s my world, I can do what I want.

Anyway, why a tree? Because I wanted to get out all my ornaments from childhood. Because I like the smell of pine trees. Because it made it feel festive in the house. Because I’m trying to figure out exactly how and what we are going to teach our baby about the holiday season and I’d like to work trees into our celebration. We’ll see. For now, the holiday madness is over, and we’ll worry about it next year. Here are some pics, of my dogs, the baby, and our little Abercrombie. Q and the pugs with Santa, taken at the annual Holiday Pug Rescue party. Now there is a cause I support! If you’re looking for something nice to do, give a few bucks to San Diego Pug Rescue. They have saved so many little dogs this year and are going broke as a result.

So what are you going to do with 2009? I’m going to hang out with my baby. Not really sure what else. Maybe clean my house. Write a book. Or something.

I just popped in today to post some pics, say hello, and I’m not really sure what else. But it’s my blog, so I can do that if I want. So there! PLBBT!

Posted on December 26th, 2008 by michelle
Filed under: Baby stories, My dogs, Random run ins | No Comments »

Hello there internet people! It’s been a while, I’ve been learning to be a Mom and how to manage the baby and the beasties together. It’s not easy, but I do it. Luckily the dogs are all older and mostly reasonable, except for Teak who is still insane. I have earned the respect of many by being able to walk all four dogs AND push the stroller – behold, Super Dog Mom!

Q is 8 weeks old today – I can’t believe it. The time truly does fly by.

I have, for years now, been working very hard on my crusty old dog trainer exterior. You know, the walls you put up to keep smelly, dirty things like emotions out? You grumble about clients, bitch about kids, mostly hate dogs, complain about everyone’s lack of ability to follow through, and just generally become bitter and cranky. I sort of like being that way, it was working for me. It made for some awesome sarcasm, and contributed to my unique outlook on my strange little world. And it was safe.

This baby has wrecked me. Wrecked me. Suddenly, I understand what it is to love someone – a human of all things – so much that you would sacrifice anything for their happiness. I understand how incredibly fierce and all consuming a mother’s love can be. Should be. Every day, I weep that she is getting bigger and growing up, and I rejoice that she is learning and becoming someone. In 8 short weeks, she has become the central focus of our family. Pretty much everything runs on her schedule, and we are putty in her tiny, perfect little hands.

I never really wanted kids. Who needs them when you can have PUPPIES!?! I have pugs, I can dress them, carry them, coddle them, and then toss them in their crates and go see a movie. The best of both worlds. I can’t be a Mom, I thought. I’m way too selfish. I treasure my alone time way too much. And I don’t even like kids.

Yet, I feel like I have found my feet in this thing we call Motherhood. I am not good at being pregnant, and I kinda sucked at giving birth; but the Mommy thing? I got that shit down. This, this I can do. It is the single hardest thing I’ve EVER done, and I’ve done some hard shit. 13 dogs in a condo for four days, anyone? Ya, talk to me.

I can’t even really explain it, but other Mommies know. You see it in their face when they walk by with their toddler and their breath catches a little at the sight of my tiny bundle. “Oh, a new baby” they say. You know they are remembering those first precious days of cuddling their babies close to their hearts. Before the little buggers could talk. I did it myself today. Q went in for her two month check and shots – poor, poor, baby – and there was a couple there with a brand, brand new baby – not even a week old. And I felt my heart clutch a little, because my baby won’t be that tiny ever again. At the same time, I’m thrilled that she smiles at me now, and knows who I am. She sees me. She’s noticing her world, and talking to us about it. But I can’t ever go back to that first week, those first heady moments when you fall completely in love. When you are overwhelmed with awe at what you have created, and terrified that you will somehow break them. When you stand and stare at them sleeping and all you can think is “Wow, I did that. How did I get so lucky, so blessed?” You wonder who they will be. Will you like them? Will they like you? And none of it matters, because no matter what, that is your baby, you will love them always. In ways that you have never loved another.

This is just the beginning of a long, long journey for Q and I. I hope that I remember, through the teething, the tantrums, the colds, the many messes, the late nights, and all the growing pains that are to come; I hope I always remember to treasure every moment. That I won’t get so caught up in “getting stuff done” to stop for a moment and just breathe her in. Hold her tight and forever imprint the feel of her tiny body in my arms. Sniff the yummy baby goodness at the curve of her cheek. Cause she won’t be little for long, and I want to grab onto every second of it and hold on tight.

Some day soon she’ll be walking. She’ll be able to walk away and explore the world on her own. I will support her every step of the way, and she will always know that my arms are here to catch her. I will support her, and I will cheer her on in her journey through life, even as my heart breaks that my tiny baby is growing up.

Do you see? Do you see what has happened to me? I am so very much in love. And, oh, it hurts. It hurts more than any break up, more than any physical injury. If children only knew the hold they have on their parents’ hearts. The power those tiny fists wield. I never knew. Never knew how much I was loved, until Q came into my world. I don’t think you can know until you experience it for yourself. You can’t really explain it either, but other Mommies know. You can see it in their faces.

I love you, Q. More than I ever wanted to love anything. Be gentle with your poor old Mommy, she breaks easy now.

Posted on December 4th, 2008 by michelle
Filed under: Baby stories, My dogs, The Naked Part | 1 Comment »